Running Commentary – Star Wars Episode VI – The Return of the Jedi

Anime Reporter returns to Running Commentary once again to give you the things that popped into my head while watching Return of the Jedi. It’s been quite a few years since I’ve seen this film, I think it’s probably been 16 or 17 in fact, so while I remember a few key details, I’m going in with no real memory of how it fits together. After Empire truly redeemed the series (when it’s viewed in Episodic order), I really am excited about Star Wars again and looking forward to watching this sixth episode. Bring it on!

00:00 – Last of the classics, let’s go!

00:25 – Wait, this movie takes place when and where? Oh, okay, thanks.

01:00 – Oh snap, I’d forgotten about Han and the carbonite!

01:30 – Why doesn’t the Empire invest in lots of small powerful ship instead of one insanely powerful ship which, if destroyed, will put them on square one?

04:25 – Anakin’s vocabulary has become a lot more formal in his old age.

06:20 – I remember so little of this, but I’m excited to see the whole Han-rescue mission goes!

07:00 – Jabba’s green pig security guards look like old-school Legend of Zelda creatures. Read more ›

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Posted in American Film, Reviews, Running Commentary

Running Commentary – Star Wars Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back

Now we’re talking! Anime Reporter gives my blow by blow account of what pointless thoughts I had while watching Empire Strikes Back. If there are fewer posts on this film, or if I comment less frequently, that’s probably because I got pretty caught up the whole time I was watching this one. I hadn’t seen this movie since I was about 10 years old, so, while I, of course, knew a lot of what was going to happen, I also felt like I was experiencing this film for the first time. It did not disappoint.

00:00 – Here it is! The big one!

02:45 – So here we are on Hoth, hopefully there won’t be too much needless CGI thrown in just yet.

04:10 – Puppet yeti takes out the last great hope for the Jedi in the galaxy.

05:50 – Han gives his notice to the rebel military fairly abruptly. You’d think it’d be harder to leave on good terms.

08:15 – Han Solo seems to command an awful lot of respect among the troops for a smuggler who just quit the rebellion.

09:00 – I think that wampa’s brother was in Labyrinth.

09:30 – Luke’s go-to move upon waking up upside-down suspended from the ceiling of an ice cave wasn’t to use the force? Why would that not always be the go-to move?

10:55 – C3PO is a dick.

12:20 – C3PO delivers the news that Luke and Han will probably freeze to death, like the dick he is.

13:30 – Obi Wan waits until Luke is freezing to death to give him entirely irrelevant news about finding a Jedi teacher, instead of, say, advice on not dying in this frozen wasteland. Read more ›

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Posted in American Film, Reviews, Running Commentary

Running Commentary – Star Wars – Episode IV- A New Hope

Anime Reporter continues the saga of me saying what I thought when I watched things, which shows just how little the word “saga” has come to mean. Today, I’m giving my impressions while watching the original Star Wars film, though, as I realised shortly into watching it, this is the version that George Lucas decided just had to be ‘improved’ with a number of incredibly distracting CGI additions. I should point out that while I like Star Wars, I’m no super fan and I think it’s probably been at least ten, if not fifteen, years since I watched the original trilogy. I’ve been looking forward to this.

00:00 – Okay, here we go, on to the real Star Wars!

00:30 – I have chills!

01:00 – Huh, apparently that whole big empire thing formed in the last episode hasn’t been such a happy arrangement for everyone, after all.

02:25 – Sure, the super long spaceship is cool, but I bet it takes forever to make a U-turn.

03:55 – Remind me why stormtroopers wear armour that does absolutely nothing against lasers when all weapons in this film are laser-based?

04:45 – Hi Anakin! You’re looking well.

05:30 – For a robot programmed to serve humans, C3PO is highly concerned with his own wellbeing.

07:40 – Oh, I get it now. Obi Wan is Dumbledore. R2D2 is Hedwig. This whole “Star Wars” thing is nothing more than a thinly0veiled Harry Potter ripoff! Read more ›

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Posted in American Film, Reviews, Running Commentary

This Is Not The Post You’re Looking For…

By which I mean that today’s Running Commentary post on Star Wars Episode IV- A New Hope is not yet up, (mainly because George Lucas kept trying to get his hands on my post and insert superfluous CGI into it). Rest assured though, the commentary shall go on!

Check back here tomorrow!

 

Thanks,

A.R.

Posted in Announcements, Running Commentary

Running Commentary – Star Wars Episode III – Revenge of the Sith

Anime Reporter returns to say the things I thought while watching movies. It’s precisely as elaborate as that. We return to the Star Wars prequels now for Episode III – Revenge of the Sith. And so, without further ado…

00:00- Fingers crossed that this film is as good as I remembered. i.e. good at all in comparison to the previous 2

00:29- Apparently this Star Wars film takes place a long time ago in a galaxy far far away. Huh, good to know.

00:51- This floating space exposition is the most useful of the prequels.

02:40- First interesting space battle of the prequels.

03:10- Anakin speaks and I forget what emotions are.

04:10- I really don’t care what happens to any of the pilots in this battle, since, apart from the 2 protagonists, they’re all identical clones of an evil bounty hunter.

07:05- I don’t think this is how outer space works.

08:20- Anakin and Obi Wan make genuine effort to interact with emotion. I appreciate them trying.

09:00- I almost cringed with I expected the baseball signal scene I vaguely remembered. Sigh of relief as I remember that I was just having a flashback to Episode II.

11:20- Anakin and Obi Wan are an old married couple. That’s cute, but not really. Read more ›

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Posted in American Film, Reviews, Running Commentary

Running Commentary – (Sigh) Star Wars Episode 02 – Attack of the Clones

Anime Reporter doles out some more real-time commentary, this time for the second film in the Star Wars chronology. I recalled not particularly enjoying this one. I recalled accurately. Here are my thoughts this time round:

00:01- Oh God. Here we go again. Two hours, twenty-plus minutes to go.

01:00 – Floating space bureaucratic exposition is slow and bureaucratic.

02:00 – Why are these spaceships making sounds in space?

06:00 – Seriously, with all his wisdom and experience, why can’t Yoda speak the right way around?

06:30 – Jar Jar Binks is in this scene, but keeping mercifully silent.

07:54 – And now he’s ruined it. Read more ›

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Posted in American Film, Live Action Film, Reviews, Running Commentary, Spotlight of Shame

Running Commentary- Star Wars Episode 01- the Phantom Menace

Anime Reporter begins a new type of segment today, offering up thoughts and feelings in real time in response to a variety of films. I’ll be starting things off with the Star Wars films, starting, unfortunately, with Episode 01- The Phantom Menace. Here we go!

00:25- I really hope this movie isn’t as terrible as I remember.

00:56- Is it a terrible sign when the first in a series of prequels needs floating space-exposition before anything has even happened? I know it’s tradition by this point, but I count this as an ominous sign, even if I do already know the outcome.

02:00- Wow… these trade federation aliens really resemble a racist parody of Asian people. Like, really racist.

03:00- So there’s another robot identical to C3PO in this scene? Why did I feel like it was supposed to be super impressive that Anakin built C3PO the first time round? Isn’t he just a standard model or something?

06:00- Oh my God. These bad guys talking feel like a really bad fan-production.

08:00- Just what Star Wars needed, endless bureaucracy instead of an actual plot.

09:00- How is it that I remember so little of this bilge?

09:30- This council meeting feels like everyone is reading their scripts for the first time. Read more ›

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Posted in American Film, Reviews, Running Commentary, Spotlight of Shame
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